Emptiness
by Giantpanda
Summary: Shannon prepares for her father’s funeral.


TITLE: Emptiness  
RATING: PG  
SUMMARY: Shannon prepares for her father's funeral.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.

Shannon stood by her full-length mirror. The black dress matched her mood. It was too simple for her tastes. Or maybe too fancy. She wasn't even sure anymore what her tastes were. Sabrina had picked out the dress. Just as she had decorated the room Shannon now stood in. The room that Shannon always referred to as the cotton candy room. She reached a shaky hand out to her dresser to find for her hairbrush. Some strands were out of place. She brushed softly, counting in her head. How many strokes did Sabrina always say to use? She couldn't remember. She threw the brush against the bed, watched it bounce and fall to the floor.

Her eyes drifted to the clock on the wall. In two hours she'd be burying her father. She was an orphan. And all she was worried about was what Sabrina would think about her hair or clothes. Today of all days, Shannon did not want to argue with Sabrina. In fact, the one thing she wanted from her, she knew she'd never get. She wanted a hug. Wanted for Sabrina to tell her that it would all be okay. Even if Daddy was dead they were still a family. Shannon, of course, knew better. She was always the outcast in this family. If it even was a family. It wasn't a typical one, that was for sure. But Shannon always thought of herself as Cinderella, with Boone the ugly stepbrother. The ugly-stepbrother who'd tried to kiss her. She cringed. She wasn't going to think of that today, or ever again.

Shannon looked back at her reflection. She knew she should find her make-up. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, and had dark circles under them. She looked like hell. Then again, what was a girl supposed to look like when her daddy died? The doctors said they did everything they could, but she didn't believe them. If they'd done everything, wouldn't he still be alive? Just another reason for her to hate doctors. They couldn't save her mom, and they couldn't save her dad. She hoped she never needed a doctor.

She tugged at her hair. She should cut it all off. Maybe dye it black. Or maybe red. Or maybe streak it with some outrageous color. She had a reason now. People would excuse her behavior over grief. Maybe she could run away from here. Far away, where neither Sabrina nor Boone would find her. Was there anywhere far away enough?

She wanted nothing more then to get away. To climb out the window and never return. But she had to say goodbye first. She had to bury the first man she ever loved. Her daddy. He was always there. Now he was gone. What was she going to do without him? She moved towards her dresser and looked at the framed photographs. She picked up the one that was taken just before her mom died. Happiness. That radiated off the photo. Their faces looked as if they would crack from the smiles. She concentrated hard trying to remember what that felt like. What had they been smiling and laughing at? She looked closely at herself. Who was that little girl? Had she really ever felt that happy? She ran her fingers over her parents' faces. They looked like the perfect couple. Her father was older than her mother, but they complimented each other perfectly. Even though her mom died when she was so young, she could still remember their passionate fights, and vaguely could remember sounds coming from their bedroom, sounds she wouldn't be able to identify until she was much older. She gently placed the photo back, when another one caught her eye.

Shannon picked up a photo that was taken when she was ten years old. It was her and daddy. She could already see that the smile was fading. It didn't reach her eyes. The sadness that grew, as she got older, could be seen in her eyes even then. What had happened to make a ten year old look so old? Even Daddy's smile wasn't the same. Sabrina had taken something away from both of them. Shannon never understood what Daddy saw in her. She glanced around her room, and looked at everything that wasn't really hers. Everything was Sabrina's and Shannon was a just a doll for her to play with. She remembered a time long ago when Sabrina would ground her for anything she did. Soon Shannon had started to lock herself in a room that she hated. But anything was better than being with a woman who hated her.

She remembered the time Sabrina had grounded her for painting on her canvas in daddy's office. Shannon tired to remember the last time that she had painted. It had to be around the time when Sabrina had started to make fun of her artwork. She'd be about nine at the time, maybe. She still had all her supplies. Maybe painting would take her mind off her daddy. Shannon opened the closet and pulled out a long button down shirt. Her painting shirt. She brought it to her nose. It still smelled like her daddy. She slid it on, and slowly buttoned it up. She knew Sabrina would kill her if she got anything on her funeral dress. She reached for a hair tie, and pulled back her long hair. She thought again of finding some scissors to cut off the locks, but wouldn't do anything to ruin her daddy's day.

She knelt down beside her bed and pulled out all her supplies. She looked at her pad of paper. The edges were yellowed. She wondered if the paints were even good anymore. She figured she might as well try. She carefully pulled everything out that she would need. She smiled a little thinking of how her dad had always laughed when he had watched her set up for painting. He called her anal. At the time she hadn't known what it meant. She remembered laughing at him because it seemed like such a silly word. Now she realized that he spoke the truth. She was already beginning to feel a little better as if with each container of paint she sat down, a little more control was back in her hands.

Now, she needed to decide what to paint. She wanted to paint something of her and daddy, something so she could always remember him. She wanted him to look like her dad, not the man she'd seen lying on the hospital gurney as she went to see if it was really him. She shivered as she remembered touching him, shaking him, hoping to wake him up. The doctor, with bad hair, came in then and offered his fake sympathy. If he really cared, he wouldn't have left to see another patient. Someone named Sarah who needed his immediate attention. Figures the doctor would rather help a woman. Her dad just wasn't important enough.

But she didn't want to think of that anymore. She wanted to think of the last time she was happy with him, really happy. She started thinking back. She frowned as she realized it had been five minutes and still she hadn't thought of a happy memory. Finally, she remembered. The last time they'd been happy together. She had been twelve. She started painting.

Sabrina and daddy had been in a huge fight, and Sabrina took Boone and left. Shannon never knew where they went, and in all honesty never cared. All that mattered was they were gone. She remembered she'd gone to Daddy and asked him to watch a movie with her. She had picked one she knew would make him laugh. She hated when he was sad. They watched _The Princess Bride. _So many quotable moments from that movie. It had been nice to watch it with him. They had sat together on the sofa, laughing throughout. When it was over, she asked him for hot chocolate with marshmallows. He had stood and with an exaggerated bow, said, "As you wish," which had caused her to giggle for at least ten minutes. That was the last time she'd been happy with her father. The next day, he had called Sabrina begging for her to come home. He said, he'd make sure Shannon stayed out of the way. He even suggested sending her away to boarding school. All their problems would end if she were gone. He thought of her as nothing more than an obligation, a nuisance that he had to deal with.

That was the moment when Shannon had realized that she would always love her father, but she wasn't really sure she actually liked him. How could she like a man who wanted to get rid of her?

She stopped painting. Her father's face was half done. Maybe she should just leave it like that. She had never really known him anyway. She put down her brush. Her eyes filled with tears. How could it hurt so much to be burying him? Was it because she still loved him even though she'd lost him to Sabrina long ago? Or was it because she was now truly alone?

She crawled onto her bed, and hugged her teddy bear tightly to her chest. He'd given her the bear after her mother died. She had ran away and ended up in the hospital. Maybe she really had been a burden all along. She wanted the teddy bear to hug her back. She wanted someone, anyone to comfort her. Instead, she was empty. She needed to get out of this place. But where would she go?

Her door swung open, and Boone stood in the doorway.

"It's time to go, Shan."

She turned to face him. He didn't look too bad in a suit. Maybe Boone would offer her some comfort.

Boone looked around the room. "You've been in here painting? Who paints before a funeral?" he snorted as he turned to leave.

As he walked away, he took her hope that someone would be there for her. She truly was completely alone.

The End


End file.
